hoehowell

ivies:

today I went to olive garden and there was a man wearing a fedora behind me and my mother whispered to me “why is that man wearing a hat we are indoors I don’t understand” and he whipped around with all seriousness and said “twilight sparkle came to me in a dream and requested that I wear this crown for the duration of the evening” and me, not knowing what to do just said “ok” but then the guy started laughing and he was like “I’m just kidding I just like hats”

shut-uhp

captain-georgeuniverse:

xpw:

so today at work I cleaned this old man’s golf clubs and I thought he was getting his wallet out of his bag but instead he pulls out this giant plastic target bag of yellow plums. he tipped us in yellow plums. he told us not to tell anyone we had these and I looked them up because they were so good and these plums are illegal in the US. I got tipped in illegally imported plums. 

That. Is. Amazing.